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Archive for the 'Trust' Category

How long should I wait?

May 13th, 2009, 8:22 pm by Tara

kitten2I’ve been dating James for almost one year. Our love, faith and trust is deep and sincere. We’re not just lovers, we are best friends.

For over a month, James has been talking about marriage, how many kids I want, and other things. One day I see us as a married couple with children but I wonder sometimes if we’re rushing into things.

I’m in my mid-20’s and have always respected advice from my Mom. She loves James but tells me that I should date him for 2 years before marrying him. I have friends that married after knowing their spouse for only weeks and months. None of them waited 2+ years. More than half of them have marital problems or are now divorced.

When I marry I want to have a life-long relationship. My mom divorced my dad after 15 years of marriage. They dated less than 1 year.

James feels that when people know they have a long-lasting relationship it shouldn’t matter how long you date.  That lasting relationship can be built in days, some in weeks and others take years.

We’re not talking about getting married in the next several months, but I wonder how long we should date before we become engaged.

Boyfriend Jealous over Guy

February 4th, 2009, 9:00 pm by Tara

My girlfriend and I go to UT-Brownsville and we’ve been dating for 6 months. Brinny has a “best friend” who is male. She always talks about him and text him almost everyday. She tells me that they loved each other (before she met me) but never became lovers cuz he’s separated from his wife. Now she says they’re only “friends.”  I don’t know if I believe her. I got pissed last night and told her to stop talking with him. She says it’s not fair since she’s known him longer than me, and that she loves me as a lover…not him. Am i right to get jealous with this guy? Am i not trusting her? Am i wrong to ask her to stop chatting with him?  - DJ

I would be jealous too! Maybe Brinny wants you to be jealous. This may be her way to show her that you care and love her. It’s hard to say. Whether she’s just playing a jealous game with you or not, the problem is their friendship is longer than the time you’ve been hanging with her. If they are only friends then she should introduce you to him.

At this point, I would try to brush it off, and act as if it doesn’t bother you. If you really think it’s a jealous ploy, I wouldn’t play her game. You’ll have no problem finding other ladies on or off campus.

Love Bytes viewers…what do you think? Is Brinny playing a game? Should David keep hanging with her or dump her? David is looking for advice.  Post your comments now - click “Post a Comment”

Boyfriend Gets Ex-Wife Pregnant

January 28th, 2009, 12:34 pm by Tara

I just found out that my boyfriend’s ex-wife is 3 months pregnant and he’s the father. He says his ex came on to him one weekend when he was picking up his son, that one thing lead to another and now she’s pregnant. I’m hurt and angry. Hector and I (both in our late 20’s) have been dating for over a year and we plan on getting married at the end of this year. I’m divorced with 3 kids. He says he loves me and that he has no feelings for his ex. That he made a big mistake, regrets what happened and wants to marry me. His ex says it was all her fault. My gf says I should leave him, that he’s broken my heart and I can’t trust him anymore. I love him and want to be with him, but I don’t know if I can forgive him. I don’t know what to do.

Trust and forgiveness are 2 really big things to consider. He says he made a mistake and she says it’s all her fault. Whatever the truth is…they are both adults and they knew what the consequences could be.

Looking ahead…there’s a new baby coming. If you marry him, the baby will be part of you and your children’s lives every day. Will you be able to accept and love this baby as part of your family?  How will your children react? Will he be faithful to you after you’re married? Are you prepared to deal with other issues surrounding 2nd marriages?

Liar Liar

December 10th, 2008, 8:23 pm by Tara

Recently I’ve had an intuition that my boyfriend had been talking with another woman. Lo and behold, I discovered a woman’s intuition is never wrong. Text message inbox showed he had a conversation with a girl whom he had previously kissed while he was involved in another relationship. He also spoke with her for about 10 minutes. Given it was around the Thanksgiving holiday and it could have been an innocent “Happy Thanksgiving” conversation. However the clincher is when I casually asked if he had spoken with this girl, he denied it. At this time he did not know that I already knew he HAD spoken with her and had even deleted the text message. My concern is if the conversation is so innocent, why did he feel the need to lie?

Obviously there are trust issues and trust is one of the base components of the relationship. Why do you have a need to sneak around to find information? The only way you will ever truly trust him is develop deeper and honest communication.  You’re allowing your mind to run wild with basically little or no information. As you wrote, it could have been merely a “Happy Thanksgiving.”

He may have denied it because he would rather not communicate about sensitive things, especially things that might upset you. Trust issues can tear you apart and weaken your love, or bring you closer together and strengthen your true love. It’s up to you how you deal with them.

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